WD3

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Success, so close, yet so far away!  I have dropped a few pounds and inches, but I must say that since Thanksgiving it has been an uphill battle.  The fault is entirely mine.  I love to cook good food.  And I LOVE to eat it.

The holidays are perfect opportunities for these indulgences, especially when the whole family is together.  But that’s no excuse for excess, I know.  And now that the holidays are over (even though Wal-Mart insisted on skipping to Valentine’s Day BEFORE Christmas), I am busily trying to get back to clean eating.

My husband read an article a few weeks ago about New Year’s Resolutions.  It was quite different than the average resolutions that many people make every year.  This article suggested that we not set goals that are either met or not met, but rather that we develop systems, ways of doing things.  For example, if the goal is to lose 10 lbs., then once that is met where do you go next?  Back up the scale only to slide down yet again?  Instead, if we develop a system of clean eating then it becomes a lifestyle change that can continue.

I thought this was a very good idea.  Too many times our goals are unrealistic and unmet. (Mine anyway!) So rather than setting a goal this year, I simply want to eat healthy.  Less would be a plus too.  So out with the pies, pastries and excess sugar and in with the veggies!

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Hold the Sugar, Please!

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Over the past 2 weeks I have been very aware of what goes in my mouth!  I have cut back drastically on sugar and simply the amount of food that I inhale.  I have noticed a difference in my waist, but my actual weight is as stubborn as ever.  There are so many thoughts on weight loss out there, that a person can get terribly confused.  My goal was to place my focus on God and rely on Him to fulfill my needs instead of on food, however, as I read different books, I find that my attention gets drawn back once again to food!

For example, Jorge Cruise’s method teaches a person how to count sugar and carbohydrates.  A person is expected to take notes on everything that is eaten.  He also has meal plans in his book.  I noticed that the first thing I wanted to do was try out all of his recipes and eat as much as he suggested each meal including snacks.  The problem with this is that I am paying way too much attention to food, AND eating more than I actually need.  Just because he says I can have 3 meals and 2 snacks doesn’t mean that I am actually hungry!

Other methods focus on eating whole foods.  This contradicts the method above because whole foods have carbs and natural sugar that Jorge says to limit.  Confusion.  Do I eat the watermelon or not?  Well, I ate it.  And I probably ate too much of it, but it sure tasted good 🙂

I was pleased with myself yesterday.  The family went out to eat and I picked up my salad and started to choose my dessert when suddenly I went, “no, no, no!” and walked away.  I was very full after my brisket, green beans and mashed potatoes anyway.  I didn’t need the dessert.  I have also baked several batches of cookies and refrained from eating all but 2 or 3 of them (cookies, not batches).  So, that in itself is progress.  Hopefully the weight will eventually dissolve like sugar in my mouth, but until then, I am just going to keep plugging and see what happens.

My Eyes Are Dry

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dry

Sometimes an honest look inside is needed to get us back where we should be.  For quite a while I have felt dry, barren, empty.  Very much like parched earth in desperate need of water.  Good deeds will not soften a heart in this condition nor will church attendance nor bible reading.

Jeremiah 2:13 says, “For my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water.”

The remedy for a dry soul can only be found in Jesus Christ.  We cannot fix ourselves or rehydrate our spirits.  Every attempt will only leave us in worse condition than before.  Keith Green was one of the most annointed song writers I have heard in my life.  His words penetrate into the depths of my soul to bring rejoicing and repentance.  The song “My Eyes Are Dry” is the cry of my heart today.

My eyes are dry, my faith is old
My heart is hard, my prayers are cold
And I know how I ought to be
Alive to You and dead to me

Oh what can be done for an old heart like mine
Soften it up with oil and wine
The oil is You, Your Spirit of love
Please wash me anew in the wine of Your Blood

WD 2

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Today  wasn’t too bad. I survived a parade and 2 pockets full of candy.  The homecoming football game was tonight, and I debated whether or not to snack. My decision to resist was turned over as easily as our team turned over the ball! That said, today was a mild success. At least my portions during mealtime we’re smaller and only one helping.

On another note, I slept far longer than normal, but it felt like loads of stress were seeping out of my inmost parts. then while working on music today, it was actually enjoyable. Hopefully tomorrow will be another positive day.

Well the football team just evened up the score. I guess that’s about how I feel-even steven!

The Way Down

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Once upon a time about 15 years ago, I read a book called “The Weigh Down Diet”  by Gwen Shamblin. I had just given birth to my third child and couldn’t get the weight off. For me the technique she used was transforming. The weight slid off and I felt great for about 8 years. Then came baby #4. And some depression (not due to baby!). 8 years later I am still carrying the equivalent of a full term baby around and am quite tired of it.

While I don’t prescribe to all of Gwen’s  beliefs (religious), I do agree with her philosophy on dieting.  My issue is not merely one of inactivity, but who or what do I turn to.  I find that my comfort, my solace comes from food.  My affections are seriously misplaced. When depressed, I turn to food for comfort. When happy I turn to it for rejoicing. And then there’s every other emotion in between. The truth is that I have a head hunger, a heart hunger, and not a physical need for food hunger.

The Bible teaches that we are to have one God, and our devotion is to be directed to Him and Him alone. I know this, but switching my allegiances has not been easy since food has such a strong grip. I have tried exercise videos, books, walking, and websites to lose weight. I find that I know the right answers, I just don’t have anyone to hold me accountable to doing what needs to be done.

The purpose of blogging about it is to see it in print. To have a daily log that I look at and am accountable to. And a public forum in which I can be embarrassed. By writing about my journey, I hope to turn my focus from food back to the One who created it.  To seek Him when I need comfort or rejoicing. I know that what I do with this earthly vessel is a reflection on Him, and I want to bring Him honor by how I keep myself.

today’s challenge: eat less (and my brain is already craving and plotting)