I don’t really know when it started happening, possibly with the birth of my first child, but I have a tendency to wake up around 2 or 3 am and not go back to sleep for about 2 hours. There are many times that I lay there and desperately try to go back to sleep, and then there are times that I feel God has woken me up just to have a quiet time together. Of course you know the tale…start praying and immediately fall back to sleep! But I actually do try to resist that.
Well, this morning was no different. It was 3 am, and there I was, wide awake. So I started pray-thinking. I start praying, then I start thinking and putting things together in my mind. In fact, this is when I do most of my blogging. The reason no one ever reads these blogs from the wee hours of the morning should be obvious, I’m not getting up to go type them! Anyway, as I was thinking, I started remembering a verse from scripture that says, “…work out your salvation with fear and trembling.” Phil. 2:12.
The first thought I had was to determine what “fear and trembling” was. If you were raised in church, you can probably jump to the answer that was taught to you in Sunday School. Most teach that we take our salvation seriously and revere the Lord at all times. This is all well and good, but how practical is it? I’m one of those people that needs a detailed road map to go anywhere! I even plan the route to the grocery store. I organize the cans in my cabinets, the supplies in my desk, and the exact shelves where my clothes go. Yes! You might say that I’m a bit OCD.
But just what is this particular trait called OCD? Some may refer to it as a disorder, but others might say that it is zealousy paying attention to detail. Is that bad? Being this way, I am always checking to see if I have written something right (I’ll probably edit this 3 times) or if I have adequately planned for lessons, etc. My main energy goes to making sure there are little to no mistakes and that everyone knows what is going on. In fact, there may even be an element of fear involved in my planning processes. Can you see where this is leading me?
So if there is an element of fear involved in the OCD details of life, shouldn’t there be the same zealous attention paid to the details of my spiritual life? If I care how my cupboards look, do I care as much how my soul looks? Do I painstakingly focus on my everyday walk with Christ?
For me, through the mad ramblings that take place early in the morning, “fear and trembling” began to resemble being OCD. It became that same obsession with organization and appearance. Paul said “but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.” My speech, conduct, dress, attitudes and everything else need to be scrutinized with the same careful eye that I give everything else in my life. After all, these other things really aren’t that important.
The conclusion to my early morning mass? Be OCD about JC! He’s worth it!